p.s.

House dreams are about the self, not the actual house!  They're stress dreams, essentially. I tend to have them in periods of upset, when things are changing... I'm not good at change!

When I moved cross-country years ago, I had them for months. I used to dream that the ceiling was falling in, and I was barely getting out of the building in time.

According to dreammoods.com ----

To see a house in your dream represents your own soul and self.

Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. In general, the attic represents your intellect, the basement represents the unconscious, etc.

If the house is empty, then it indicates feelings of insecurity. If the house is shifting, then it suggests that you are going through some personal changes and changing your belief system. To dream that a house has no walls represents a lack of privacy. You feel that everyone is looking over your shoulder or up in your business.

To dream that your house is broken into suggests that you are feeling violated. It may refer to a particular relationship or current situation in your life.

So, cancer treatment is a bit of a physical violation, IMHO. And no matter how much I look for someone to make it stop, it aint gonna happen.

Don't worry, folks. I lock the doors at night!

Must. Finish. Soon.

The death of the great and inspirational Earl Scruggs is doing nothing for my spirits today. Nor are the continuing dreams of people breaking into my house, me seeking help, and not finding it.

Four days of treatment left.

Got a form letter from my radiologist that did nothing to clear up the mystery of his departure, so I'm left to assume malfeasance. (I asked if there was illness and was told there was not.)  Pfeh.

Almost there

Seeing some redness, feeling an itch. But it's not as bad as what most people experience, apparently.

Almost there.

Insomnia

I've not been sleeping. I've not asked for meds, because in my experience, sleeping pills leave you a zombie the next day. So I wake up at 2, and 3:30 and 4:15... and then call it a night and get up.

Advice I've read for cancerous non-sleepers includes:
1. Do not open your eyes when you wake up.
2. Do not look at the clock.

And I've found both those points useful for getting back to sleep. But not useful enough. Need to find a solution.

Bald is beautiful?

It's been well over 80 for the past week, and I've officially given up wearing a hat outside the house. For the second time in a week, I've been complimented on my... er, "do" by random women. We're talking about 1/4 inch of fuzz, here, if that.

I find this very odd. Nice, but odd. Perhaps those ladies recognized the truth and were trying to make me feel better. Whatever the case, thanks, ladies!

Who knows - maybe in a few years I'll be complimenting every bald lady I see.

My doctor.... retired?

At my weekly check-in with the radiation MD (the daily routine is simply a quick treatment), I was greeted by a new doctor, who informed me that my doctor had retired. Just like that. And that he'd be taking over my treatment.

Hmm.

Strange dreams

I think my psyche doesn't think much of having cancer.

Dreamed last night that I was sleeping in my NYC apartment (which I left more than 5 years ago) and awoken by four men entering and robbing me blind. Three of them left with their arms full, one stayed there to watch. I heard a shower running, and in it was my sister, slumped over as if she'd been drugged. I whispered to her, "We're being robbed!" She just looked at me. "But you're a third-degree black belt!" (She is, actually.)

"I know, but I only have a PhD in aikido," she said.

And the robbery continued.... everything that wasn't nailed down. I ran into the hall and whispered to a neighbor that they should call the police... but the police never arrived.

And the other night I dreamed that I was driving my old VW Jetta (which I sold more than 5 years ago) as it was breaking down. Was in some terrible NYC neighborhood, too, as luck would have it.

Hmmm.

Rockin' the fuzz

.. is the way my friend Laura described my current hairstyle. It feels fuzzy, but it doesn't look like much. Still, I know the hair (and eyebrows) are on their way back, and not a moment too soon.

In other news, I see not a single particle of side effect from radiation. So far.

Fellow patients at the clinic are enlightening me about the miseries of tamoxifen, and possible alternatives.

Growing

The best part of my day, these days, is checking on my seedlings in the morning.

New growth happens, regardless of how cold and awful the winter has been!

Tattoos!

Yeah, but not the sexy kind. I now have about 6 little black dots that I didn't particularly want. Seems silly to me, since if this thing comes back, the girls will have migrated south. Unless it's sometime soon. Which, I suppose, is statistically more likely.

Why didn't they do it the first day, rather than use the stickers? Because people apparently relax after the first couple weeks. That explanation made sense early this morning. Now? Not so much. More information tomorrow.

I think I'll take the girls lingerie shopping soon. They deserve some new gear.